How To Get Yourself Killed Around The Warlords
by A. G. Moria
Summary: What to do in order for the Warlords to most likely kill you? Read this, and I suggest that this is best not to attempt.


**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, but how cool would it be to!**

1. Ask Doflamingo if Crocodile is as good in bed as Kuma says he is.

2. Dress up like Boa Hancock for Halloween and show her first before going out trick-or-treating.

3. Find out what the hell's in Kuma's book, best guess dirty magazines.

4. Hold a cross in your hand every time Gecko Moria comes near you.

5. When questioned why you have a cross state that holy water didn't have any effect.

6. Steal Mihawk's sword and place it right beside Doflamingo.

7. When the other tries to wrestle with the other bring the admirals in the room and scream rape.

8. Run away after you hand the three of them cameras.

9. Question Kuma about gay porn.

10. Steal Mihawk's hat and hook it on the end of a fishing lure.

11. When he comes near the hat reel in the line a little bit and continue to do this for over an hour.

12. Once he gets fed up and uses his sword to get the hat run for your life.

13. Lock Crocodile and Doflamingo in the same room.

14. Stand guard outside the door.

15. When people try to enter the room tell them that Doflamingo and Crocodile want their happy time in peace.

16. Mimic Moria's laugh around him.

17. When he gets fed up and questions why you mock him tell him you lost a bet.

18. Sit next to Doflamingo during a meeting.

19. Randomly scream out, "OI PINKY STOP TOUCHING ME THERE"!

20. Ask Moria if he's part pickle or part leek.

21. Run as fast as you fucking can is the number one rule here.

22. Whistle every time Hancock enters a room.

23. When she yells out who did that point your finger towards Jinbe.

24. Laugh and watch as she tries to kill him.

25. Ask Mihawk if he uses eye dye.

26. Use a glass jar to catch some sort of body part of Crocodile's when he turns into sand.

27. When he comes in the very next hour you hide the jar in the back of Kuma's pocket.

28. Take pictures of Hancock and Moria sitting beside each other, then photo shop it so it looks like….well you know.

29. Bring snacks in one day for a meeting.

30. Grilled leeks for Moria.

31. Steamed haddock for Hancock.

32. Don't tell Jinbe what his is.

33. Peaches for Doflamingo.

34. A desert bug on a stick for Crocodile.

35. A gummy bear for Kuma.

36. Chicken for Mihawk.

37. When Jinbe takes a bite out of his snack scream, "CANNIBLE"!

38. Burst out laughing as he takes another look at his mystery meat.

39. Continue laughing as the others take bites out of their food.

40. Replace all of Doflamingo's pants with thongs.

41. When he spreads out his legs the next meeting state very clearly, "Oh god that just looks so wrong, but not for you Kuma"!

42. Snicker as Kuma buries his head in his book.

43. Bring an old boom box out and every time Moria comes near play the song Bodies.

44. When he comes near you to smash the box say, "Hey come on you know it's true"!

45. Tape a sign to the back of Doflamingo's shirt and make sure it says I'm sexy and I know it.

46. Randomly walk up to Crocodile and say, "Man you are sure one fail of a Captain Hook wannabe".

47. Once again run for the love of hell.

48. Question why Hancock likes to stare at the ceiling.

49. Take a picture of Kuma.

50. Then have a poster made.

51. Have it say wanted for over use of the word porn.

52. When Doflamingo sticks out his tongue smack him on the head in order to have him bite it off.

53. Ask Kuma if those are his real ears.

54. Mess with Hancock's cosmetics.

55. Try not to laugh as she comes in the next day looking like Buggy aka the Clown.

56. Don't try any of Doflamingo's skittles no matter what.

57. No matter what you mustn't ever call weight watchers on Moria.

58. Say dammit every time Jinbe comes near you.

59. Say it until he gets fed up.

60. When questioned why you say damn say, "Dammit why are you always wearing a robe"?

61. Whenever Doflamingo lifts up one of his fingers lift up your middle finger and say, "Oh yeah well so can I mister so suck it".

62. Try and make every word Mihawk uses sound like he said something horny.

63. Example: Mihawk, "and that's how I stuck my sword into him". You, "Is it that big hawky"?

64. Example: Mihawk, "so rubber boy aye, I'm just interested with his first mate". You, "Really does that mean he's your first mate too"?

65. Last Example: Mihawk, "I used to fight with Shanks a lot but that was a long time ago". You, "No wonder he filed for divorce".

66. Every time a meeting begins yell very loudly, "Welcome to the Hell Farm"!

67. Have the men of the Warlords compare under the pants sizes if you catch my drift.

68. Doflamingo: "Yeah well I'm mostly a big hit in the bedroom".

69. You: "Ok moving on".

70. Crocodile: "The amount of women I date is it's actual length in inches".

71. You: "So nothing then".

72. Kuma: "…."

73. You: "We'll come back to you later then".

74. Moria: "Never I'll never tell you anything".

75. You: "You don't need to because we all know you're a giant, and in um both ways".

76. Mihawk: "Maybe-"

77. You: "Trust me Mihawk all the ladies out there already know it's the same length as your sword".

78. Jinbe: "Go to hell'.

79. You: "What's under the robe then"!

80. Run away and scream, "THE PINK DEATH IS COMING THE PINK DEATH IS COMING"! Every time Doflamingo comes near you.

81. Walk up to Mihawk and say, "Hm, I've seen bigger swords". Then just walk away and leave him to cry in his corner of shame.

82. Steal Crocodile's clothes before a meeting and run through the room yelling out, "RUN THE NOOD SAND MAN IS ON THE LOOSE"!

83. Boldly eat sushi in front of Jinbe.

84. Bring in a bird one day and teach it to talk like Moria and sound like him.

85. Teach it to say certain words.

86. Put the bird behind Moria.

87. The next day try and hold in your laughter as you hear, "THE BEAUTY BITCH HAS RETURNED TO HER MEN"! As Hancock enters the room.

88. Don't help Moria escape the room and that women's rage.

89. Build Hancock a shrine of Luffy and then maybe set it on fire by flamethrower.

90. RUN FOR LIFE ITSELF AFTER THAT!

91. Remind all of the Warlords about that time when they were kittens.

92. Grin when the admirals question you about where Crocodile and Mihawk are.

93. Spray Jinbe with hose water.

94. When "calmly" questioned why you did it say, "Cause I was bored".

95. Tie a rope to the ankle of Doflamingo and the dress of Hancock.

96. Cover your eyes when he gets up and walks away.

97. So call mistake Mihawk's sword for a buttering knife and laugh as he tries to pick it up.

98. Somehow light Kuma on fire.

99. Walk up to him after it's put out and say, "Damn I thought you said we were supposed to prevent these kinds of things".

100. eplace Crocodile's hook with a ring pop.

101. Get Mihawk a cat so he'll stop bringing up how lonely he is at meetings.

102. Give Jinbe a copy of Moby Dick and laugh as he questions you about just the title of the book.

103. Randomly bring Twilight up during a meeting.

104. Compare the sparkly vampires to Hancock whenever she thinks about Luffy.

105. Then compare the emotionless vampires and human chick to Kuma.

106. Get Doflamingo drunk.

107. Have him burst through the doors to the meeting room.

108. Have a questioned expression upon your face as he tries to make out with Mihawk.

109. Have a really questioned and concerned expression upon your face as Crocodile yells that he should be the one getting kissed.

110. Then just laugh at the others because they have no idea what the hell's going on.

111. In which after laughing your ass off prepare to run for your life once again.

112. Request that in order to let you live you give them the list on how to tick them off.

**Kishish, hoped you all enjoyed my little story! Also the review button is very much clickable.**


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